Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
