eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
