I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
