What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
