What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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