This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
