Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
