I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
