the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
