Moan for me like Helen Keller
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
