I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
