ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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