Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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