so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
