before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
