last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
