you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize