Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
