Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
