Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
