I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
