I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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