4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
