Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
