evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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