I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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