the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
