Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I could fuck to npr.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
