I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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