Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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