You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
