Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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