You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
