sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize