we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You peed on a flamingo?!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
