As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
