There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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