I met the friendliest cop last night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
