You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
