There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
