so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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