He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
