Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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