I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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