You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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