One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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