The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the day after is always just damage control
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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