i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
