Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
