Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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