My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
