ugly people sure do ruin things
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
