hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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