She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
