we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
