I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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