is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
