Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Someone signed my nipple.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
