I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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