i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
