Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
