He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
