A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
