I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
